I lay awake at night searching for peace of mind, soul and heart. Trying to gather emotions to understand what went wrong. Trying to figure out how I came to this point in life. Trying to grasp at memories in the air of things I know that I will not ever have again. Trying to live life like an open book but yet always wanting to turn to the last page when the page I'm on ..I don't like.
Wondering where to go from here. Whether to start over in a place in which I am unfamiliar with or to stay where I am at. I fight with the things I have done wrong. I search for penance for the mistakes I have made... hoping someday I will come to understand that it was all a lesson in life and one I had to learn the hard way.
But as I now reach the final stage I question if the things I did were what I was meant to do. As I now pass from one realm to the next, I hope my passing will be quick and painless unlike my life ..slow and painful.
I stand at a fork in the road and to pray to choose the right path in which I shall carry this scared corpse of mine . Hoping to find peace and fearing for the pain of making my final decision. Searching for heaven and the pearly gates and running from the fires of hell. I only ask one thing in my passing.. please forgive me cruel world for I know not what I do!